Anyway.
Today for PAWS they gave us seniors a big long speech on staying eligible to graduate and whatnot. They talked about senior dinner dance (which I'm SO excited for!) and about all the fun things coming up this next month. Well, I'm a lot like most of the seniors at my school. I just want to gtfo. But at the same time, I don't want to leave. Copper Hills has been such a huge part of my life! I have spent wayyy more time there than most students. I mean come on, who can say they have played hide and seek in the dark hallways at one in the morning after a marching band competition? Yeah. Exactly.
Band has kept me at school late into the night only to return again early in the morning. The band room has been my second home. Sometimes my first. I have made SO many friends who have changed my life. The worst part about leaving is knowing that things will never be the same. Sure, you can go visit, but the people don't really want you there. They don't care about you anymore. I've been watching it happen for 3 years now. You lose your friendships and the band changes. They have new inside jokes and silly dances and sayings. Once you leave, you can never go back.
It just kind of hit me today. It's really over. It's time to graduate and get a life. Sure, it's exciting. But for those of us who have no flipping clue where to go to college or what to study, it SUCKS. I'm scared! I'm poor! I can't take care of myself! How the heck am I going to do this?!
I know countless people have done it. I'm just not quite ready. I'm not ready to leave this wonderful life and head into the life of an adult. The grass is NEVER greener on the other side. It's brown and crunchy and it smells like the government stealing all your money.
Haha. :)
It's just not very exciting. And I'm so selfish that I don't want Copper Hills to continue having students go through it. Because that is MY school.
Which brings me to my next point: they had elections for class officers today. One of my really good band friends was running and I was so proud of him! He's a good worker and I know popularity is exactly what he wants. Since I'm a selfish jerk, I wanted him to lose. I wanted him to be drum major and band council VP. I wanted him to keep his dedication to his friends and not get sucked into the terrible world of student government.
*disclaimer: I do not by any means hate the student gov. I think they are wonderful people who have a lot going for them. But no doubt, they sell their souls to it. They forget about the "little people" who helped get them where they are today. They only talk to you during sub for Santa when they want your money. And they have no time to just hang out with you. And it sucks.*
So basically I didn't want that stuff to happen to him. But it will. Because he won.
I was standing there in the choir room with Vocalise when the announcement came on. I had my fingers crossed. But they said his name anyway and I immediately began to feel sick. Sick with worry, jealousy, anger... Terrible things you should never feel about one of your friends being so happy.
I grabbed my keys and walked straight out to my car. I couldn't see or breathe or function normally. By the time I got to the end of the parking lot I was crying. Hard. I never cry. Ever. Only when I get hurt or my patents yell at me. Never because of sadness. But I cried. Because I was sad. And fearful for the future of MY band and MY friends. I thought back to the first time he talked to me. The first time he smiled at me. The first time he called me "girl". The first time he sat by me on the bus. The first time he held my hand. Hugged me. Kissed me. Told me I was his best friend. The first time we danced together. Everything. It all flooded into my mind and I cried even harder. It's over. All of it. High school, being with my friends, being with him... It'll never be the same. I just can't handle being this old. Where did the time go?!
So I came home and locked myself in my room and just let myself be sad. Because sometimes you've just gotta do that.
Then I got ready for work.
I love my job. It turned my whole entire day around. Those kids are so great.
"Well I accidentally put in 12 oz." -me
"That's okay it'll just be HUGE." -Jason
And then I die of laughter right in front of the dip box.
Wow. I feel better.
:)
Enjoy this picture. I find it quite funny.
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